What follows is a verbatim copy of my discussion of the book with my friend, Handsome James. Well, it’s more me continuing to rant than an actual discussion, but he hasn’t read the book (yet).
Handsome James: This has been my favourite book review ever.
Alice: Well, I’m happy someone’s enjoying it. I feel a little bad for spamming everyone’s feed, but this thing just pisses me off to no end.
Handsome James: Hell, I love a good rant.
Alice: Me, too. Look for more if I end up reading the rest of the trilogy.
Handsome James: What series? I love a good train wreck of a tail.
Handsome James: … I typed the right spelling of tale, then changed it. How annoying…
Alice: It’s called After. And it’s real person fiction about Harry Styles. And it’s terrible because it’s clearly fanfiction of “50 Shades of Grey.” But it’s so close it may as well be alternate universe plagiarism.
Handsome James: 50 Styles of Grey?
Alice: It’s pretty much a “Twlight” fanfic circle jerk. Or as I like to put it Giant Creepy Human Centipede of Weirdness.
Alice: Yeah, pretty much.
Alice: It’s completely unedited. She didn’t even spell check. And the sex is incredibly boring.
Alice: It’s not worth anyone’s time, yet it’s being lauded as the next “50 Shades.”
Handsome James: … Sounds identical really.
Alice: It is identical. Except it better written and isn’t as long. Isn’t much better written, but better nonetheless.
Handsome James: Well that’s something then.
Handsome James: At least it’s shorter.
Alice: Yeah, but it’s possibly the beginning of a disturbing new trend.
Handsome James: To be fair, that trend has been a part of mills and boon for decades.
Alice: These books promote the sexiness or attraction of having a controlling, abusive asshole of a boyfriend/partner/whatever, and women are scrambling to get their hands on said sort of man.
Alice: It’s just getting worse, though. There are women out there who are *angry* their husband isn’t exactly like Christian Grey.
Alice: I don’t want a Christian Grey. Been there, done that, ain’t going back.
Alice: But these women are like, “You’re so lucky. I wish I had that.” And I just want to punch them in the face with a brick.
Handsome James: … People are weird. At least hope for a Dorian Grey.
Alice: Yeah, I don’t think I want one of them, either. Grown-up Huck Finn on the other hand…
Handsome James: The man was more dysfunctional, but at least he was mildly magical and was a remartkably well bred man for all his faults.
Handsome James: Oh, if you’re picking from any literary character, then theres a whole plethora of beters to choose from.
Alice: Yes, but as soon as you try to go into his attic, I believe you’re either beaten or killed; it’s been a while since I’ve read it.
Alice: I don’t want a beater, that’s why I’m going with Huck.
Handsome James: How often do you decide to randomly explore someones attic?
Handsome James: Yay Huck.
Alice: Maybe Oliver Wood.
Alice: Attics are where all the secrets are kept!
Handsome James: No love for Atticus?
Alice: Finch? Not particularly. He’s a great hero, but he comes with two kids in tow. Don’t want to deal with children if I can help it.
Handsome James: Granted#
Handsome James: At least you finished the book
Alice: I finished it and I’m still sane. Angry, but sane.
Handsome James: could move on to something slightly more… What’s the word? Professional? readable?
Alice: Like Huck Finn! I think that’s hiding under my laundry pile.
Handsome James: Odd place to put a book. Whole new way of getting in someone’s pants though…
Handsome James: Lucky Huck.
And then we started talking about my Life Ruiner. Which you don’t need to hear about right now.